Speaking from Bute House on Monday and looking plumper than usual, Humza Yousaf responded to reports that both Unionist and Nationalist supporters had demonstrated for him at Holyrood earlier that day.
“I always knew I could bring Scotland together,” Yousaf said, a thermal vest peeking out from under his shirt. “This is how we eradicate hate from Scotland, we bring opposing sides closer. They see they are not much different, and there is no reason for Unionists and Nationalists to hate each other.”
“It’s blooming cold today,” Humza was heard to say, while appearing to shiver as he walked out of the Bute House utility room, conference room, and mosque. “Patrick Harvey has a lot to answer for.”
A spokesmuslim for the First Minister denied any criticism of the SNP’s Scottish Green Bute House Agreement partners. “It’s the heat pump he was criticising. It doesn’t quite ever seem to get the temperature up.”