Many newspapers have a Dear Auntie column, a series that allows readers to write in with their problems and receive words of wisdom. The Notional is pleased to introduce our very own Auntie Trans, who has traveled to Scotland all the way from Transylvania. Her visa was granted under the SNP government’s “Let in all aliens, terrorists, murderers, rapists, hostage takers visa policy” as first proposed by Humza Yousaf. We’re not quite sure which category Auntie Trans managed to sneak into Scotland under but we’re quite sure she’ll be welcomed by Mridul Wadhwa at Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre, where she’ll be working as a counselor for the foreseeable future.
As readers of other newspapers problem pages, we know there is some uncertainty whether the letters printed were genuine or not. We would like to assure all our readers that every letter printed by us is completely fake. Unless some readers actually manage to send us letters, in which case we’ll probably have to move house [Editor: office] [Justin: Yes, that too]
Without further preamble, here is our first Auntie Trans column:
Dear Auntie Trans,
My daughter identifies as trans, what do I do?
Yours terrifiedly,
A Concerned Parent
Dear Concerned Parent,
I can understand both your concern and your terror. While not every child who identifies as trans wants to take experimental hormones and submit to dangerous surgery, some are brainwashed into believing they must do this. Even for those children and young adults who simply identify as the opposite sex, this change in behaviour can be confusing and troubling. In the words of Douglas Adams: “Don’t Panic!”
Your child needs you more than ever. Perversely, your daughter may now be receiving indoctrination indicating you cannot be trusted and may try to push you away. Depending on the age of your child you may still have some options.
Some parents have found that if they remove all access to the Internet, they can stop the brainwashing by trans activists and influencers. This does become more difficult when a child is older, yet while your child lives in your home, you have the right to monitor their Internet access. You may have to become much more technically savvy very quickly, learning how to use the advanced settings on your home Internet router to block certain sites and monitor which ones are being accessed.
If you can encourage your child to participate in outdoor sport or activity, this may help them connect with their body and reduce obsession and rumination.
In some extreme cases, some parents report success in completely moving their whole family to a more rural location. I understand that few people are able to do this.
Fortunately there are now many good resources for parents and even groups that can provide support. I recommend the following sites:
Remember, you are still your child’s parent and the person who loves and cares for your child more than anyone else. Your child needs you.
Yours in a crisis,
Auntie Trans
[Image by pixlr.com]