A number of Scottish Distillers have reached out to The Notional to express regret at agreeing to partner with The Scottish Parliament to produce a range of blended and single malt whiskys.
“It was a great idea when Scotland’s Parliament was well run,” a spokeswoman for one distiller who wishes to remain anonymous told us. “Put a politicians signature on a bottle of blended whisky and the price tripled instantly. Now we’re struggling to shift them. We’re seriously considering removing the labels and repackaging them.”
The dire straits of this marketing decision can be seen on John Swinney’s CrowdFunder where only 12 of 50 bottles have been bought, despite the plea to give him more money being made since 2021. The Notional suspects the price range of £200 or more may have something to do with lack of interest.
Many signed bottles are still doing the rounds at various auction houses and can be picked up by any SNP fan boy with more money than taste. Caledonian Collectables have a bottle of Superior Blended Scotch Whisky bottled by Inverarity Vaults ltd that was even signed by Alex Salmond and his First Cabinet (2007-2009). A snip for £795. With prices like that, one wonders why the SNP ever needed a IndyRef fund raiser.
We at The Notional have decided to branch out into Fake Reviews. Here is our fake review for a bottle of Scottish Parliament Blended Scotch Whisky, signed by John Swinney and Nicola Sturgeon, believed to have been bought at auction recently:
Blended. With the tears of unicorns, and of women and girls, and the cold sweat of fear. Left to mellow amid the rancid stench of corruption.
#VoteSNP