Millions of Christians were horrified to find out yesterday (April 8, 2024) that they had missed the rapture. Despite reading the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, and watching the spin off movies, and watching the 1970’s A Thief in the Night film series, and reading and hearing Jesus teaching, and Paul’s teaching, and the prophetic book of Revelation, Christians were otherwise engaged watching TV or their smartphones or the Eclipse when Jesus returned to take them to Heaven.
According to some far-right Christian movements, the Rapture signals the start of a seven year apocalypse, a totalitarian global government, many climate catastrophes, earthquakes, plagues, wars and pestilences. Some Christians living in Scotland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and other semi-totalitarian states are reported to have said: it doesn’t sound all that different to life at the moment.
For those of us who were not taken in the blink of an eye it is recommended to avoid having 666 tattooed on your forehead, hand, wrist, or arm. Stay away from guillotines. Don’t worship the charismatic guy who proclaims peace, or Tony Blair. Don’t take any forms of transport, or walk to Armageddon. In fact, avoid Israel completely. Unless you are a Jew in which case Israel might be the safest place for you for the next seven years. And pray, for forgiveness and mercy, and that you might be given a second chance.