Our evil twin sister paper [Editor: some people call it a rag.] [Justin: some people use it as a rag.] [Editor: that’s a pretty poor rag!] will be offering a pair of Trans Goggles (TM) with every copy sold tomorrow.
These rose tinted specs will make even the most bigoted TERF believe they are looking at a real woman when they see a trans identifying male in the flesh, the toilets, the changing room, or on Giggle.
With subscriber levels at an all time low, The National is seeking to increase its uptake among its core audience of trans identifying youth. It is believed they will be persuaded to buy multiple copies, with their pocket money, to give to their fascist parents, hateful grandparents, and transphobic relatives, colleagues, neighbours and anyone else that refuses to recognise their unrecognisable gender identity.
It is unclear how a one time only marketing effort will increase subscribers, when The National will in effect be alienating most of Scotland, though perhaps they believe that all it will take to turn a TERF into a TRA is a cheap bit of coloured plastic. [Editor: in all honesty, we think that is a similar strategy to the one used by the wider trans movement.]
Newspaper circulation numbers are not all published. Press Gazette advises in their monthly report of UK circulation numbers that “figures do not include the Sun, Times and Telegraph titles which have all chosen to keep their ABC circulations private since the start of 2020. The Guardian and Observer joined them in September 2021.”
We had to resort to Wikipedia [Editor: shivers] to obtain circulation numbers for The National: “In February 2023, ABC reported daily paid circulation of 3,210 single copies and 345 subscriptions.” We apologise to our readers as we have no idea whether these numbers reflect the situation in May 2024, and we’re not on speaking terms with our evil twin sister after “The Incident”.