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A Prayer for Repentance

We made a note of this Tweet by Effie Deans last week:

“Remember it is neither our task nor our hope to obtain the best possible SNP leader (e.g. Kate Forbes). It is our task & hope to obtain the worst possible SNP leader (e.g. Emma Harper, Shona Robison etc etc)”

Christians are instructed to pray for our leaders. They might be authoritarian, wicked, devious, clueless, incompetent or undesirable as leaders in any way. If so, all the more reason to pray for them. The Bible is full of accounts of terrible leaders that were used in some way to do something good. And if we are honest, is it not true that we can sometimes do some good despite our failings?

One exciting realisation our team had is that even a fake newspaper can have a Thought for the Day. If that Thought somehow manages to combine a gag or two while also conveying a genuine desire, would that be a terrible thing?

Speaking of authoritarian etc. leaders we understand John Swinney has been unelected leader of the SNP. And as far as we can tell, everyone still has their knee caps, yay! It is not yet clear whether he will be unelected First Minister, however, Honest John is a leader that needs our prayers. So, would you join with us in praying for him…

Father in heaven, thank you for John Swinney. We might make fun of him at times but he is still your child and we are sure you love him. Father, we ask that you will lead John Swinney. Put a hook in his nose and drag him if necessary. May he challenge all those in the SNP that wish to impose evil on Scotland. May he stand up for what is good and right and just. May he bring to an end the harm done to our children and young people via trans “treatments”. My he put a stop to the indoctrination of our children by LGBTQ+ ideologies. May he bring into the light and the public domain all that has been said and done in secret within the SNP and previous SNP led governments. May he speak the truth, even if he does not realise he is doing so. Amen

Swinne Flu Knocks Out SNP Leadership Contender

A statement by openly critical veteran SNP activist Graeme McCormick, announces his withdrawal from the campaign for SNP Leadership due to coming down with Swinne Flu. This dangerous and debilitating strain of flu also struck down Kate Forbes last week and does seem to be spreading rapidly between SNP members. NHS Scotland advises maintaining a minimum distance from the SNP of at least two elections.

In other news, top SNP Leadership were seen shopping for mattresses over the weekend. An anonymous source at SNP Headquarters revealed that a large portion of the remaining party budget had been ring-fenced for mattresses. Shares in Dreams Limited are said to have shot up in overnight trading.

Police Scotland have responded to reports a headless horse has been seen running near Bute House.

The SNP Loves Andrew Neil

With hundreds of SNP MPs, MSPs, and party members claiming to have reported themselves for a hate crime on Friday 3 May 2024, Unionists in Scotland were bemused at the faux outrage on Twitter (formerly X) over Andrew Neil’s reposting of a Times cartoon by Peter Brookes.

Given the SNP’s historic inability to allow any criticism whatsoever from those who are part of the one woman no cry party, pretending to express horror at a satirical cartoon depicting political suicide on behalf of their failed leaders is the only way they can speak their truth.

Kirsten Oswald MP – who may be about to delete her Twitter account – received a backlash all of her own making after reposting the cartoon and claiming it was horrific. Oswald, who will likely never live down being photoed next to a “Decapitate TERFS” sign featuring a cute guillotine, was unavailable for comment.

Collette Stevenson MSP doublespoke for many by sharing the cartoon:

As did Chris Law MP:

And rabidly nationalist Petey Wishart MP:

And Jim Fairlie MSP:

And even Ian Blackford jumped in to illustrate that Andrew Neil is the most widely read journalist on Twitter:

We at The Notional are quite sure most of them were chortling into their cornflakes (fake sponsored by Kellogg’s). Some may have been unaware though that sharing a hateful cartoon in order to condemn it is as much of a #HateCrime as any old Hate Crime. MPs, MSPs, and SNP Members take note. Police Scotland could be turning up at your doors sooner than you thought.

Exclusive: Honest John Swinney Tells The Truth

Since John Swinney’s coronation as leader of the SNP, we reached out to him to ask if he would consider sharing his vision for Scotland with our readers. Even though we currently only have three readers [Editor: six on a good day!], he agreed not only to share his vision, but also a series of epistles – if you will – that he believes Scotland needs to hear. Dear readers, we give you – Honest John Swinney:

I’ve heard many Scots tell me that Independence means Freedom. An independent Scotland would be free. Free from the Tories. Free from Westminster. Free to rejoin the EU. These are lies we like to tell ourselves, but as leader of a soon to be independent Scotland I am compelled to tell the truth. Independence does not mean freedom from consequences. Independence does not mean freedom from responsibility.

Freedom is a cheap slogan. An easy word to yell as if we were all Australian actors being paid exorbitant sums of money to butcher history in the name of a good story. Even the anarchist knows that freedom does not mean freedom from consequences. Would an independent Scotland be wealthier? Not in the short term, no. It is likely that most Scots would be poorer. Especially the poor. Longer term, it would depend in part on how well Scotland was governed, and since most governments don’t have a single clue how to improve the economy governing in this case would mean repealing laws and deregulating rather than trying to micro-manage everything as my predecessors Humza Yousaf and Nicola Sturgeon did. The only way Scotland would prosper in the long term is if more Scots started working. Not only that, but took ownership of their work. As my favourite author once wrote: “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.” There is a lot to unpack in these statements. We can apply these to any work situation we find ourselves in. Some in the SNP appear to be chaffing at the oppression of Westminster, considering themselves slaves to a brutal colonial slave master. If these people chose to serve their employers, and if out of work – go and get a job and serve well in that job – then Scotland’s economy would boom.

If we have less people needing benefits, there will be less need for taxes. If there are less taxes, people will have more money to spend. More profits can be made and wages can increase. It is a virtuous cycle. There are consequences everywhere we turn. Some consequences are bad for us and bad for those around us. Other consequences are a gift, a blessing. Freedom means accepting the consequences of our actions and our in-actions. Will you join me in accepting the limits of our freedom and using that to prosper Scotland?

Knitted Woolen Hats Thrown in the Ring

With some SNP MSPs clinging tightly to their hats for fear of toxic waste damage, others have been preparing for months. John Swinney has frequently been seen with his knitting, casting on and off, working on a delightful Chestnut Hat by Tina Vejlø Andersen – Kastaniestrik as sold by Jamieson in Shetland. This somewhat prickly hat suits John down to a G with the green colour indicating his support for the Scottish Greens. He occasionally is also seen to work with purple and white wool, though the latter only when Humza Yousaf is not in parliament.

It has yet to be seen whether Kate Forbes knitting is ready to be thrown into the ring. She may feel her work is too precious to discard too freely.

[Image generated by pixlr.com]

Ross Greer on Holiday

After partnering with Ross Greer this week on the Ross Greer’s Gross Rear Photo Competition, which unfortunately had to be cancelled, a reader sent us a couple of articles/statements by Ross Greer that we thought should be investigated.

Firstly there is this Tweet from Aug 1, 2022:

Now, we at The Notional don’t begrudge any MSP a holiday. They all do fine work. Some so fine you can hardly see it. Assuming that Crail is a wee village on the coast in the Kingdom of Fife, that does look like a lovely location to take a break at. You could cycle there, walk, maybe even take public transport if the buses are running. (Not always as reliably as we’d like)

Ross Greer also travels further afield. He shares in this article for our evil twin sister paper of his time on the Italian island of Lampedusa. Not mentioned in the article is how he traveled there. Donkey perhaps? Surely not by air travel! Even RyanAir or EasyJet who pack passengers in like tuna in a can. We do accept that if you are going to save the environment, packing passengers in at the expense of their comfort is one way of doing so.

Of greater interest to us though was Mr Greer’s quoting of Jesus teaching. The article was published on 26th May 2017. The Manchester bombing had just been carried out, according to Wikipedia an Islamic terrorist suicide bombing. Now, we’d be remiss if we didn’t point out how lazy it was of us to quote from Wikipedia. Sky News described the bomber as A Very Naughty Boy. Mr Greer draws parallels between the bombing and the “refugee” crisis unfolding in the Mediterranean. He fails though to identify that Muslims are the ones doing the killing and forcing people to leave their homes and countries and are blowing people up. (We also have to acknowledge the the UK, America and others share a lot of responsibility for killing the dictators that were keeping a lid on the whole Muslim terrorist problem. Well done Tony Blair and George W Bush!)

Greer quotes from John’s Gospel: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John was directing people to Jesus – the light of the world. Jesus is also famous for his call to let our light shine before mankind. (Including, for the feminists and trans women at the back, everyone.) Perhaps it would have been a good thing for the UK to take in unaccompanied children. We are concerned with the unintended consequences. Sometimes it is worth taking the risk. It would be better always to acknowledge and try and mitigate such risks. We would also point out that Jesus teaching needs to be taken as a whole. If more of us studied and applied Jesus teaching in our lives, we believe the world would be a better place. We wonder if Mr Greer may one day agree with us on this?

Hannah Barnes is King of Horror

There is a new King of Horror, and she is a queen! Hannah Barnes has rocketed up the horror charts following publication of her new book: Time To Think. Putting Stephen King to shame, Barnes’ compelling story weaves between truth, fact, and statistics leaving the reader shocked and disturbed and often in tears. Featuring anonymous cameos by those most affected by the unfolding medical scandal.

Dean Koontz is said to have handed Hannah one of his Bram Stoker Awards to recognise her contribution to the horror genre.

It has taken us at The Notional almost a year to finish reading Time To Think, not because it is poorly written, but because we could not cope with the horror of what has been done to young people. We stopped reading for months after reading this on page 118:

‘And then, in an astonishing aside, the researchers revealed that everyone in the early intervention group had at this point progressed from the blockers on to cross-sex hormones. A treatment with irreversible consequences. Every single one. It was Hutchinson’s ‘holy fcuk’ moment.’

We contacted FCUK for comment, but they declined to comment apparently as they are too busy celebrating Pride and the castration of our youth, the sterilising of children, and the mutilation of young bodies. We can see there would be lots to have pride in there.

NHS England released a brief statement.

No-one at the GIDS or the Tavistock could be reached for comment. Possibly because GIDS has now shut it’s doors and we suspect many of those responsible for the medical negligence practiced there have fled abroad to avoid facing prosecution. However, some brave souls have spoken out, and indeed did speak out over many years trying to warn about risks. If only people would have listened. Though isn’t that the way with horror stories? It is often those who first raise the alarm that are the first to be done away with.

We hope at some point to share a more extensive review of Time To Think. If you’d be interested, do let us know.

Cancelled: Ross Greer’s Gross Rear Photo Competition

When we said this was a gross rear photo competition, we didn’t mean… well, we can’t even begin to describe some of the photos we received over the last couple of days. Poor Justine will likely need therapy for months! We had to log thirty four hate crimes yesterday after browsing through the photos received.

Vehicles! Gross rears of vehicles! Did we really need to spell it out? We did provide some helpful photos.

We’re going to wash our eyes out with car shampoo (Don’t try that at home, kids!). In the meantime and for the foreseeable future, the Ross Greer’s Gross Rear Photo Competition is cancelled. Ross Greer is disappointed.

SNP NEC in Urgent Talks to Elect New Party Leader

Senior SNP leaders convened an urgent meeting of the SNP National Executive Committee last night to choose their next leader after Humza Yousaf resigned unexpectedly. With bridges burning all over Scotland and Bute House aides on high alert with fire extinguishers at the ready after a warning from a BBC reporter that Humza might choose self-immolation rather than continuing on as the continual continuity candidate, the Zombie party sought council from long sitting stalwarts such as John Swinney. The Notional eagerly awaits to see who might be proposed as a competent leader for the party, able to inspire the left, far-right and centerists within the SNP while also building new bridges with the opposition to replace those that have been burned down. We suspect we may be waiting for some time.

Police Scotland Move to Protect Scotland’s Bridges

With Humza Yousaf burning bridges left, far-right, and center, Police Scotland this morning assigned officers to guard Scotland’s remaining bridges.

“We are uncertain which remaining bridges are at risk, so need to defend them all,” Scotland’s Chief Constable Jo Farrell said in a briefing to The Notional this morning. “With Ross Greer indicating Humza is currently looking for an off-ramp and that he has burned his last golden bridge with The Soylent Green party, we have put police all across Scotland on high alert.”

Ross Greer is quoted as saying Humza’s “judgement is now called into question”. We at The Notional find it surprising it has taken the Soylent Greens this long to work that out. For many of us it was his time as Transport Minister. Others during his time as Health Minister. Others only twigged during #ScooterGate.

In world news, European countries have called on the EU to deny Humza Yousaf a visa due to the threat to the hundreds of bridges also at risk on the continent.