It only seems fair to introduce you to the team of crackpot fake journos who risk jigsaw identification on an irregular basis for our favourite citizens in the best blossoming country in the world.
Our name is Justin Other Scott and our pronouns are they and them. You’ll understand if we don’t publish a photo at this time, but we don’t want to make it too easy for Humza’s not so secret police to hunt us down. We’re quite sure some over eager Nat will do that in good time.
When we are not knitting up a storm in committee meetings we tend to our white rose, mint herb and rhubarb gardens.
We work full time, when we are not tying scarfs round railings and throwing ourselves in front of horses.
We are Christians, mostly, on good days, and especially on bad ones. It is our aim to be more popular this side of Greenock than The Babylon Bee, a fake news site worthy of the Donald Trump medal of honour. We do occasionally use risque language, innuendo, and think naughty thoughts (but we’re certainly not going to share those with you! (At least until we’re sure our mums are not reading)) It is quite likely that at some point you will be offended by what we write and share. So, we’re going to get that out of the way as quickly as possible with our next few posts. If you are going to hate us, you may as well start now.
If you would like to join our motley crew, put on your best-est suffragette scarf, don a gold plated crucifix, carry a sign saying: #VoteHumzaOut and met us outside the Holyrood Parliament building Monday 1st April 2024 at 1:30pm. If you can guess the secret handshake and twenty three character password, we’ll let you in.
If you would like to write for us or donate a photo you have taken and grant us unlimited worldwide rights to use send to: givemyphoto @ thenotional dot news
We may, or may not, publish daily or weekly columns, depending on how long it takes for Police Scotland to come a calling and seize all devices, lock us up, and throw away the key. If we somehow survive Humza’s assault on free speech, you may, or may not, be interested in:
- Death threats on a postcard
- John Swinney’s besttest knitting patterns
- 16 ways to avoid abortion
- Everything that is good about homophobia
- SNP MSP STDs
- Times the climate changed for the better
- Humza Yousaf: Scotland’s running (and falling) joke
- Islam v Christianity – who will win?
- BrownFace
